Tortured with Obsessive Compulsive Love

Assalam `alaykum dear sister,

I am extremely concerned about your situation. You mentioned that you have had obsession thoughts about people whom you do now know well since you were a child, and that you seem to exhibit addictive like behaviors toward them.

I understand how you are very concerned about your own self, and your own well being. However, before we get to the subject of you and your own welfare, I want to emphasize how important it is no to stalk or harass or otherwise victimize other people.

You have done a good job of identifying that this is a behavior that you are exhibiting because of your own state of being and that the people that you are stalking and harassing are victims. This is very, very serious, and you must find a way to stop your behavior. This kind of behavior can scare someone and even cause you to get in trouble with the legal system as it is a violation of the rights of other people.

With that said, suicide is not the proper way to prevent yourself from hurting other people. You have a mental illness. The frequency and intensity of your obsessions and maladaptive thought patterns and maladaptive thoughts are to a degree where you MUST seek PROFESSIONAL help NOW. You need to be taking medications at the very least. A good psychiatrist can prescribe a medication that will help you with your mood swings and with your obsessional thoughts. I am wondering if you are also hearing voices that are not real. If you are having audio or visual hallucinations, a good psychiatrist can prescribe you antipsychotics as well.

If you are not able to take care of your own basic needs, such as showering, and eating, and you are so depressed that you are suicidal, then consider hospitalization. The way you are describing your behavior and your level of functioning alerts me to the possibility that you need to be hospitalized. If not, you at least need to get psychiatric help immediately to prevent further decompensation and to prevent hospitalization. Once you are able to manage your obsessive thoughts with medication and you are able to take care of your basic daily living needs, you can then consider working through your emotional and psychological issues that might be exasperating your condition.

Once you are feeling stable, you will want to explore what triggers these thoughts and behavior patterns. You will want to also work through any attachment issues that you might have that likely began in early childhood.

So, to sum up take this step by step:

Step One: See a psychiatrist for medication and stabilization, and hospitalization if needed. Keep the focus on you.. and on getting well.  Once you make that shift, you won’t have any time to be making phone calls, or following people around.

Step two: find a psychologist and get help identifying triggers to decompensation (triggers that lead to the maladaptive thought and behavior patterns) and develop a plan of actions/wellness plan (a type of behavior and care plan) so that you can maintain stability and self care.

Step Three: Once you have acquired the ability to remain relatively stable, you can begin working through attachment issues, and repairing legitimate relationships and learning how to form healthy friendships and healthy relationships.

The road to wellness and recovery is a long one, and it takes a lot of work. However, it is well worth it. If you are willing to make a commitment to you; and to focus on YOU and your wellness, you will eventually leave the “place” of helplessness and hopelessness. You will open yourself to receive the Love of Allah into your own heart and let the healing begin. This deep dark hole in your heart may seem like a bottomless pit, but ALLAH can fill this hole in your heart all the way to the top and even make it overflow so that you are actually contributing to the community of human beings, and this will be the beginning of happiness for you.

You are not alone, but I can see you feel like you are. Reach out to the mental health system in your community. This is difficult for people to understand, but try to follow this:  when we are focused on other people and how they are meeting our needs, or not meeting our needs, we are really focusing on our self. This is what is called self-absorption. It is a self centered way to think…we are not really thinking about the other person and what we can do or give to them… we are really thinking about ourselves. The plain fact is, our unhappiness can be correlated with how self centered we are. It’s just a fact.

But when we are focused on our own self, how to take care of ourself, how to better ourself, what we can do with our life, the one life that Allah gave to us, even how we can nurture our own self and get well; this is not self centered. We are not longer feeling sorry for ourself and trying to figure out how to manipulate people, things, circumstances, the universe, and God to get our needs met, but rather our focus is shifted from what we want and need, to what we will do. This makes us stronger on the inside.

When we fight for our sanity and know that we deserve to be sane and balanced, and we become healthier, we become people who have something to give. Thus, the latter way of moving, breathing and experiencing your own being is not self-centered. Indeed, the way to shift your focus onto taking care of yourself, healing, and getting well, requires that you turn to Allah, using whatever word you want for this Source of All Being.. the Eternal Healer, and accepting something from this source into you own being.

You have taken the first step in making this shift and I admire you for doing that. You reached out. This took courage and effort on your part. Please trust me and follow through and begin your journey now… step by step.

If you follow these steps, you will begin to feel better. You will like yourself more, you will gain self respect, and that will strengthen your self esteem. Take these steps to get help for yourself with a pro-active attitude, and things really will get better for you. Please get help immediately. Please write back to me as soon as you have seen a psychiatrist and share your experiences.


For further guidance, please try the following links:

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • Coping With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • Tortured With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)



About the Counselor:

Dr. Bachmeier is a clinical psychologist who has been working in the mental health field for over 15 years. She is also a published researcher, former adjunct professor at Argosy University, writer, and consultant to her Spiritual community in the areas of mental health, clinical disorders, cultural, family and relationship issues, and more.

 Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. You are strongly advised to seek face-to-face counseling and consult your physician or therapist when making a drastic change in your lifestyle in terms of behavior, medication or diet etc.